Recently, a circular passed by the headquarters of the Assam
Police instructed a complete face-lift of the force. In police stations
statewide, photos of Mahatma Gandhi and his likes were to be replaced by ones
of David Beckham and Chace Crawford of Gossip Girl fame (My sources tell me
special screenings of Gossip Girl and Will and Grace have also been arranged by
the force too for its personnel), armouries were to be converted to fairness
cream industries and beauty product factories. And the most important of
all—bangles were to be a mandatory accessory for everyone from the rank of
constable to the DGP himself. All for a
good cause, of course. The force is
determined to have an image make-over—after all the bloodshed of the 80s and
the 90s, the police and the government think it’s important to present a more
mellowed-down, easy going, in-tune with the times Assam police.
Besides, the force deserves some rest now—it’s been a tough three
decades for them with all the insurgency and the secret-killings and what not.
And boy! Haven’t the cops responded well to the clarion call
made by their bosses? They have become utterly non-interfering, keep to their
own business; let Guwahati’s ever-increasing traffic and people on their own
and, for the greater good of public welfare, accept token gifts like a ten
rupee-note from the truck drivers. And what a convenient arrangement it is—the one
of live and let live. So what if a teenage girl is molested and abused by a mob
of third-odd depraved and desperate bravehearts in the
swanky centre of the city, the CM is so proud of! The girl was inebriated, had
loose morals—she deserved to be beaten and stripped naked on the main street of
the city. Absolutely, Sir! Ditto with the Congress MLA who dared to bring shame
to her party and a state as honourable as Assam where evils like corruption and
red-tapism are as rare as birds in the Deepor beel. By becoming a people’s representative,
she has voluntarily given up her personal life and it was completely correct
that she was taught a lesson by a group of moralist and hurt young men who took it on
themselves to salvage and safeguard the
old glory of Xunor Axom. Hardly matters that they barged into her
hotel room and kicked her around with the panache of Ronaldo. It was after all,
again, for a good cause as reiterated by many concerned citizens of the state
in their patriotic responses to blasphemous stories in the national media about
her being given a raw deal. And in all of the action, the state police has religiously
followed its new-found manta of not acting spoilsport and letting the fun go uninterrupted
for the greater cause of the Great Axomia
Entertaintment, to be broadcasted and rebroadcasted by our favourite news
channel (‘Pushing North-East 24/7’)
with soaring TRPs that would put a shame on the IPL . Kudos Assam Police!
What a time it is for the state! The political and economic
landscape, the world over, is at the fragile worst but Axom is at its stable
best- we have, after all, a government (mind you, not one of those precariously
poised coalitions) in its third term and looking good for many more. There is
no opposition, there are no issues; how Sonia Gandhi would have wished the
whole of the political scene of the country would have been like our state and
she could have even instated Robert Vadra as the president. And law and order –where do you get such a
liberal and understanding police force which lets you kick, strip, grope and perform all of our sadomasochistic fantasies on women in
public. Pure unadulterated fun, dude!
The Assam Police is trying desperately hard to come across a friendly force
with the most minimum meddling in public affairs. The people, understandably, are more than
happy. We’re on our way to becoming a metropolis and we’ve even started to draw
inspiration, in behavior and demeanour, from our more cultured contemporaries
of the capital—tribals from our neighbour states are a bad influence on our
young generation. Very fittingly, a Naga girl who was asking directions was
beaten up (again, one of our favourite news channels was there capturing it all
live just for us) in broad daylight. This time though, the women under the
leadership vice-president of the BJP's city district unit
took it upon themselves to teach the deviant girl a lesson on morality. It is
of course, a different story altogether that we tirade against rapes of northeastern
women in Delhi at Jantar Mantar and accuse mainland India of being
discriminatory against our women. They are our women—we can do whatever the freaking heck we want to—but not the
prejudiced North Indians. And when a few years back, a young Adivasi woman was
stripped naked in public for having the audacity to come out of the tea garden
and protest in our civilized city, I wonder if the horde doing the honours had the state’s
favoutite balladeer’s words—Manuhe manuhor
babe Jodi he okonu nabhabe—in mind. Meanwhile,
I’ve to go; there’s something interesting on our channel about a girl being
beaten black and blue—she was caught holding hands with a boy, of course! I
hear someone quipping—Sluts the girls of this generation, ought to be taught a
good lesson!
